i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
