he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
