just tell him i said nine months
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
we should paint friendship bongs
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