come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
