GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
