i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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