girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
