I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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