Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
