Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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