I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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