If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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