I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
