What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you will always have a special place in my vag
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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