His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
