life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
