if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
