mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
