I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
