So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
