dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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