is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it glows. i had to have it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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