I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
