if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
