Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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