"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
