the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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