Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
