my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My penis needs a shock collar
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
