This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
