Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
