Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
