so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
