wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
