I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
