Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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