i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
