textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
