I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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