You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
