genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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