My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dicks are not precious.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
