Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You can't special order awesome
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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