the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she pinky promised me she was 18
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
