I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
