Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
