I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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