Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
