i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
