Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
