yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
