We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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