My balls are so social today.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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