im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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